• emeraldjcox

The Subtle Art of Saying "NO!"

Welcome back ladies! Let's jump right in!

I use to have a hard time saying no. I'm sure there are many people in the world that have the problem saying no to personal requests, invitations, and opportunities because they don’t want to feel guilty for disappointing others that they don’t want to risk burning any bridges.

The gag is, if you take on too many commitments you end up being stressed, lose effective productivity, and/or start feeling resentful, knowing your time could have been put to better use in doing something you actually enjoyed.

Here are some mindful tips and considerations to help you decide when to say no and how to say no:

Value Your Time. Know Your Worth and your Priorities!!

It is always important to hear out an opportunity or request that comes in, because you don’t want to just say no without first hearing the opportunity or request being asked.  Once you know what the request is, run it through your opportunity, interest fold.  If it doesn’t meet your criteria then, it’s a No.

Note: When a request comes from your boss/job, and it’s something that you don’t mind doing.  Or it may be a part of your job but you are just too busy, it’s important to explain to your boss what is on your plate, and have a conversation to clarify what are the priorities, and how much you can take on. Keep it 100!

Plan Out Your No’s Ahead of Time

I can attest to how difficult it can be to tell someone no in the heat of the moment. If you struggle to say no because you fear facing people’s disappointment,  ask the person to text you their request so you can get back to them with an answer. Especially if you’re a busy person, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to say you need to check your schedule before answering. Once they send you a follow-up, it is much easier to send them a polite reply saying that you’re unable to agree to their request. Works every time for me!

No Explanation

Sis, you will never owe anyone an explanation. Offering an excuse may seem like the polite way to decline a request but it sets you up for an awkward situation honestly. The problem with offering an excuse is it gives people the opportunity to change their request so that your excuse doesn’t justify your no. No matter what excuse you offer, people who are determined to get you to say yes can come up with a way to invalidate you saying no.

Offer An Alternative

If the person asking you for a favor is someone who you want to maintain a positive relationship with, I get that. You can lessen the impact of your no by offering an alternative that satisfies their want while being something that is more preferable to you. Save yourself the stress.

Know Your Value babygirl!

Another huge step in learning to say no is realizing that you are valuable and choosing your own opinion about yourself over others. I have learned that if you live your life depending on others approval, you will never feel liberated or truly happy. Read that again sis! If you depend on others approval, what you are basically saying to you is that “Their opinion of me is more important than my opinion about myself.”

If your opinion of yourself is actually quite low, remember that:

  • Your problems will never define you

  • It’s okay to make mistakes, nobody is perfect, and everybody does things that they regret. This is what makes us human.

  • What makes a person great is not their looks or achievements, but their willingness to love others, be humble, and grow as a person.

  • You are unique, valuable, and important. No one else in this world can offer what you can.

Thanks for reading,


P.S. We Back !!

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